Undone

photo (6)

When I opened my blog today, I did not know what I was going to write. I just stared at it wondering if any of the words I have typed (though the majority of them are now gone) have brought encouragement or inspiration. They have to me, and honestly when I started typing these things out, that is mostly what it was about. A visual way to provide encouragement for myself through dark times. Now, as I enter a new season, I wonder how I can bring that encouragement again. How can we as a new type of family encourage people as what we are? A single mother with a great significant other, but the perfect family home picture has been shattered. What does it look like to show other women in a similar position encouragement, how can I encourage myself? I know this sounds self-centered, but I am my own target audience and if you don’t know how to encourage others you must start somewhere. It seems that if I just continue to write what brings me up, maybe someone out there will find it encouraging as well.

Joy, peace, grace. These are all things I thought I knew. I know now that I was just scratching the surface of what they mean and how someone can have their life ripped apart andphoto (7) God considers it for my good and His glory. I understand (but still fight sometimes) how losing someone dear to you and your family can be a source of peace and used to teach you to be joyful in all things, and a reminder that this is not our true home. Though, I do not understand it, I accept it. This, too, is for our good.

I have learned that maybe I have been allowed to experience things so I might be encouragement to another. Maybe you are, also! While I am still floundering around in this world I know nothing about, I get lost sometimes. Find myself completely undone. These are the moments I feel my Father’s presence in the most tangible ways. Like I can almost reach out and touch, hold on to. He let’s us experience these things so we can grow closer to Him. See our clear need for Him. To have those moments when He is so close you don’t want to move because you don’t want it to end. Knowing that soon you will be right back in the befuddled mess you find yourself creating.

I never thought I would say this, but I am grateful for these things in my life. My life is now raw. Open. Not in a bad way. But I feel things in a way I never have before. When people hurt, I hurt right along with them, as if it were happening to myself. This is so strange to me, photo (8)but I believe this is how Jesus wants us to live and love.

John 13:34-35
The Message (MSG)

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

Jesus wept with those who wept. Now, I have emotions that overcome me. This is not something I sought after. It just happened. I know now. I search for joy, but find it usually when I am grovelling in despair. Why do we do that to ourselves? Joy is elusive if you search for it with wrong motives. Isn’t that strange? Yet, when you are not expecting it, when you are searching for something to help and you finally turn to the source. There He is. There joy is!

If you are searching and not sure. It is probably because He was giving you what you wanted, and that usually means to do it on your own. Go ahead. Give it to Him. He hasn’t stopped loving you. (Amen!) What could be more encouraging than that?

Covered by Your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear You say, “This one’s mine!”
My heart is spoken for

Now I have a peace
I’ve never known before
I find myself complete
My heart is spoken for

Spoken For – MercyMe

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About mamalotsoftots

mamalotsoftots, doesn't that say it all? ;) View all posts by mamalotsoftots

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